Pregnancy is hard but the little blessings that come of it just makes it all worth it
What does pregnancy mean to me? its a blessing, its a miracle, its one of the hardest things I've done, its my journey and I've loved every bit of it! When I met my husband and we started our family, we would joke about having 5 or 6 kids. Friends and family thought we were nuts! Well fast forward to today and I’m only 2 away from having that family of 7, lol!!
At 18 years old I started having intense pain and bleeding. At first I thought it was a bad period until one night where i ended up in the hospital doubled over in pain. For over 10 years I have been misdiagnosed again and again, Dr. after Dr., specialists running test and more tests. Nothing could be done to stop the pain and most said it would be difficult or even impossible to have my own kids.
I can remember vividly the last Dr. I saw had the same thing to say after the test results came back with no answers. I broke down sobbing in front of that Dr.; I was exhausted of putting my faith in these specialists over and over again and getting no where.
I wanted a big family one day and now all my dreams were shot to pieces, i had no Hope left!
I know now God always has a plan for us, whether we understand it or not. Meeting my husband alone was an act of God and one of the biggest blessings I've received (other than our babies). He came into my life at the perfect time when I needed him most as did our first born Georgie one year later.
I was learning to love my life and the people in it and was not ready for a child but I knew in my heart that God had promised me a family of my own one day. We were busy falling in love and enjoying each other, a baby was not part of the plan just yet. When I found out I was pregnant it was scary and exciting. Part of me felt like it was a mistake and we were in no place to have a baby, and the other part of me wanted to call all those Dr's and show them they were wrong!
Even though pregnancy can be scary it is also such an exciting time in a woman's life, we really turn from girls into women in such a special way.
That first pregnancy taught me a lot about myself and my body. I never knew that all the surgeries and injuries I had in the past would come back and be intensified during pregnancy. I have scoliosis, knee surgeries, cracked pelvis, cracked tailbone, bulging discs in my lower spine and arthritis in my knee and spine from those injuries. If you think that's a lot just imagine it x100 while everything is spreading to make room for baby. Even with all the issues and gaining 55 lbs I loved my belly and the baby in it and felt so confident in my own skin. I think I was just so grateful to be able to conceive that I didn't care what I had to endure.
I'm a strong believer in good thoughts and attitude lead to good outcomes which I think made my labor and delivery amazing, actually I loved it. I know I know I'm gonna hear it from those mamas that say otherwise. I had little pain and delivery was quick, my only problem was trying to get my son to latch on to breastfeed; I've never been more frustrated!!
Our only planned pregnancy was my 2nd one, Abel, which took us 8 months to conceive. I had to come to a point where I stopped stressing over it and just gave it to God. I know it sounds cliche but the moment I stopped worrying is when I got pregnant. My heart goes out to all the mamas out there who have tried and tried with no success. I can’t imagine how that must feel and I pray for y’all everyday. Don’t give up Hope, if God put it in your heart then know He never breaks a promise!
I had been feeling really nauseous for weeks but thought it was new medication my Dr. had me on. Christmas morning I couldn't take it anymore so i headed to CVS to get some pepto for my tummy. On my way toward the pepto isle I passed the pregnancy tests and just grabbed one, like a reflex. I got home, went straight to the bathroom, took the test just to rule it out. I remember trying to prepare myself for what could be another negative test. The minute I looked down to see the 2 little lines I burst into tears. As I handed the test to my husband, he looked at me in surprise and said, "so..... are we happy or sad that your pregnant?". Crying, I hugged him saying, "I'm so happy, just in shock since it had been so long!!"
This pregnancy was the total opposite of my first. We found out at my first Dr. visit I was 13 weeks pregnant, missing the whole first trimester!. I craved candy constantly, smarties to be exact, but somehow only gained 35 lbs and my hair and skin was glowing. The intense pain I had with the first pregnancy started at 4 months this time and my Dr. informed me that each pregnancy would cause more damage and pain during and after baby. Still i loved being pregnant and my changing body! The second round of labor and delivery was even quicker to the point I almost didn't make it for the epidural. For a moment in that excruciating pain I prayed God would take me and let my baby live. Thankfully the nurses at Memorial Herman worked quickly to get me comfortable and a couple minutes later Abel was ready to meet us!
Fast forward 2 years later, I struggled on whether or not we should go for a third baby. When I told my friends and family I was thinking about having another, their immediate response was asking if could I go through all the pain again? and honestly I wasn’t sure. I prayed and prayed for almost a year, asking God to let His will be done. I didn't want to make this decision and knew if it was in His plan for my life then it would happen on His time or not at all. Prayer helped me feel so at peace and content in the moments I was having with the family He had already blessed me with.
I know my other mamas out there can agree that once you have had a baby your body has a way of letting you know when your pregnant, I don’t mean physical symptoms I mean mentally and emotionally. I was on my way to my best friends house to do some hair and as I was driving I felt this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and excitement with a still small voice that said, "your pregnant"; it freaked me out. I actually waited all day to get a pregnancy test, and took the first one around 8 pm that night. Waiting waiting..... PREGNANT!!
A flood of emotions came over me like a wave, omg what am I going to do, how do I tell my husband, what is my family going to think, how will I get through this with two, am I strong enough to get through the pain, what do I do about work? I waited till the next morning to take the second test just to be sure( they say the first pee of the morning is the most accurate) and BAM... PREGNANT! Well, there ain’t no denying this then!
So far, this pregnancy has been the most difficult, the morning sickness was intense, my sense of smell and cravings are off the chain and the pain is back at full force. No matter what I go through the one thing that gets me through is knowing this almost wasn't possible. These experiences are miracles and I'm blessed to get to go through it. Pregnancy lasts 9 months and if you think about it, 9 months is nothing compared to a lifetime of happiness we get with our children.
I can go through anything pregnancy throws at me because for me the blessings are worth it all!!
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